Marriage & Babies

This week we went over marriages and introducing kids into your life. Right around where Michael and I are in our life right now so of course it really intrigued me. We were talking about the advantages and disadvantages to marrying young especially because it happens frequently in the Latter-Day Saint culture. Some advantages we came up with is when you marry young you have more of a mate selection and you're also able to have more children more often. The younger you get married the more opportunity you have to have children. Disadvantages is that some people get confused maybe with the misattribution of love or something and commit too early without thinking it through. You also don't get to know as many people because you're not out dating for years, you already have found your partner. I think overall though, it's more of an advantage to marry young. People who marry closer to age 30 have a harder time when they do find a mate because they have been set in their ways for so long. Plus, when you have kids early on, you rely on each other more. You are both growing up together and setting a routine together and so you can grow closer together because you're both experiencing life changes. When you marry older you have to work a little harder to get a routine together and you've already potentially gone through life changes by yourself rather than a bonding moment with someone else.

LDS people usually think about marriage at the first date. That's not true for everyone, but it is typically true because you marry who you date and marriage and family are really important in our religion. My teacher pointed out that in Denmark you just hang out and you don't start dating until around your 30's because that's when they consider marriage. Well someone pointed out that a downside to LDS people thinking about marriage on the first date is that you could decide to not even try to go on a date with someone because they're not "your type". Think about all of the people you could meet that maybe would be good for you, but if you are thinking right from the beginning "Well I would never marry someone who looked like that" then maybe you could miss out on something great. In a way it's judging a book by it's cover.

Another thing we talked about was how marital satisfaction statistically decreases DRAMATICALLY once a baby is born. There are ways to help keep from this. It is SO important to go on dates all of the time. A lot of couples stop going on dates during pregnancy even because the wife feels lousy, and then after the baby is born is even more. It's so important though because dates are your time alone to be with your spouse and that is SO important. It's also really important to involve your husband in everything even if he doesn't seem to care. It will help him feel bonded with the baby during and after. I had Michael going to almost all of my appointments when I was pregnant with Adalynne and although sometimes he felt it was pointless, I think it really helped him to feel a part. He was saying how important it is to have a bonding experience as a new family and sometimes other family members can inhibit that. I remember when I had my daughter I felt like I really lost out on an opportunity with her and didn't get to bond with her like I should have. Mainly because almost right after I had her everyone came in the room to see her. That's not necessarily bad because I know everyone was excited but after all it was my new family and I didn't just get to sit and hold my new baby and stare and smile at her. Right away it felt she was handed off and I just had to watch everyone else hold her. It will be different with my next. I want to make sure I bond with her like I didn't get to with my first. I'm not doing it to be mean either, I'm doing it so I can feel secure in my relationship with my baby and grow with my family. I don't think Michael and I have had a decrease in marital satisfaction because mainly when we had Adalynne we made it a point to still do things together and date often. Mainly because we lived with family for the first 8 months and so we could go out whenever, and also because he has always been the most helpful husband ever.