Dating

This week was all about dating and love. I found it very interesting when we dove into what actual love meant, it's different than you typically think. Love has four different meanings in Greek. Agape, Philios, Eros, and Storge. Agape is general love you feel for others. Charity and the like. Philios is brotherly love. There doesn't have to be romance or anything. Eros is the typical one most people think of which is passionate or romantic love. Storge is parent-child love. All of these are different and unique in their own ways, but you can't just have one. It's important to have Eros, but passion doesn't last your whole life and you need to have a foundation of Agape and Philios for your partner also.

There are three "P"s to dating. Planned, paid for, paired off. In order for it to be considered a date and not just hanging out, there has to be a plan of some sort, you should be having someone pay for the date (not necessarily the guy but most often than not) and paired off. There should be a distinction when you're out that you two are together for the night. After you get married the three "P"s kind of go along with the three in the Proclamation. Preside, provide, protect. You make think this a stretch but it really does correlate. Presiding can be like planning because in order for a husband to preside and be there then he has to have a plan. Paid for and provide go together because when you're dating it's nice to know that you're taken care of because the date will pay for the movie or dinner for the two of you and it lets you know that if you were to marry them they would be able to provide for you because they have made it a point to pay for you when you're dating. Paired off and protect go together because when you're paired off you are essentially saying that this is my girl and I'm with this person which makes the girl feel protected. I thought it was really cool how these matched up and how you really can get to know a lot about the person you want to marry by the people you date. I mean if you were to date someone who never paid or who was always borrowing money, you don't think of him as a hard worker or someone who wants to take care of you. Likewise if they can't even plan an actual date, how will they make decisions when it comes to presiding over you and your family? My teacher made an interesting remark he said to date around because if you don't then you date to hate. If you don't date a bunch of different people casually, then you don't know what kind of spouse you want and you end up hating the person you're with because you paired off too soon. It makes perfect sense to me. It's only when you're ready and you know what you want in a spouse that you can date just one person exclusively so that you prepare to marry them.

There are however some things to look out for. You can get a misattribution of arousal. When I heard this I thought.. interesting... but then the more it was explained the clearer it became. They have done studies where if your heart rate is up and breathing then it triggers the response of attractiveness and love even if you don't love that person. It can happen when you're working out because you're sitting there breathing heavy and heart rate is up so you tend to find the person you're working out next to more attractive. It's a good explanation for why guys like to take girls to scary movies and on roller coasters because that's exactly what happens. They did a study where they had a girl rate the attractiveness of a guy before they got on a roller coaster together and then rate him after, and every time the guy was rated more attractive after the exhilarating ride. It typically works most dramatically when you don't know the person beforehand, but still has an effect with someone you're seeing or with. It's a pretty good explanation for girls liking bad boys. Since they invoke danger and a little bit of fear, it gets the heart rate up and you feel aroused. This can be dangerous though because you may feel like you love someone because of your brain tricking you, and then find out later you don't.

It can happen with spiritual things also. The Prophets have said to not have dates at the Temple or places of similar spiritualness because you can be mistaking the good feelings of the Spirit, for feelings of love.

In reading an article about dating and hooking up and marriage he says, "be a little more proactive and seek someone you like, someone who is worthy, and someone who inspires you to be a better person. The Spirit will guide you but won't do the courting or make the choice for you." He's saying this in relation to girls waiting around for the perfect glass slipper to come and be put on her foot. ("Hanging Out, Hooking up, and Celestial Marriage" by Bruce A. Chadwick.)