This week we talked a lot about divorce and remarriage particularly when it comes to blended families. A blended family is when a person already has children when they get married or married again. It gets increasingly harder when both people have kids and so more blending is taking place. I want to talk about divorce first though.
When you talk about divorce, it's known that there was a peak in the 70's because that's when the no fault divorce was allowed. I talked about this in a previous post so that's why I say you should know. :) Anyway, what isn't as well known is that there was also a peak of divorce around the late 40's meaning that the people who got divorced then, it was their kids generation that was getting divorced in the 70's. Brother Williams was talking to a judge here in Rexburg and he gets a lot of young couples coming in to get divorces. The main reason being it just wasn't fun anymore. How sad is that? When if they tried to stick it out they would probably stay together. When people are court-mandated to go to counseling for a certain time before they are allowed to divorce, they usually end up staying married. Plus, after two years 70% of Americans regret divorce after they've already gone through the process. I think it's sad because you can spend so much money and time on divorce and then you end up regretting it. Not to mention, a lot of the time people get a divorce because they think it'll be better in the next one. That they've learned what they need to and they just didn't have the 'right' person. Well people who divorce will have similar challenges in the second marriage that they had in the first. Challenges are inevitable when you are married because you are two different people who have been raised in different ways, and so of course there will come times when you clash. That doesn't mean you shouldn't work through it though and put in the effort to keep it going. Of course this doesn't apply to abuse and the like. There are many reasons as to why people should get a divorce, I'm just talking in respect to people not imagining it like they thought so they want to try again with someone who will be better, so to speak.
President Kimball said something I thought was very profound. He said, "Approach marriage as a never failing formula." If you don't think of it as it could fail, then you won't let it. Michael and I have talked and we would never get a divorce. It's not something that's ever even crossed our minds as a possibility. We got married because we love each other and we promised that we would always be together. I don't think that's something you should take lightly. In this world today it seems that vows or promises you make don't really hold any value and that's so sad.
It makes it so much more difficult when children are involved. Dealing with the legality of it all. Depending on where you live depends on who gets custody although it's up to the individual judge. For example on the coast there is more joint custody. As you get more inland usually it's the mom who gets more time and the legal custody of the children. It also can be really hard on your wallet. Brother Williams gave an example of a friend he knew. He makes about $2200 a month, but pays $1875 in alimony to the wife, even though the kids are grown, he has remarried, and his ex-wife has remarried. He's still legally having to pay. Sounds pretty messed up to me, but that's the way it works sometimes.
We talked about blended families and how it can be a really difficult transition. However, blended cohabitation is ten times worse than a blended marriage. Cohabitation is proved to not be beneficial at all, but compared to doing that with kids involved makes it a lot worse. There are more cases of abuse of every kind. Blended families can also thrive though. It takes a lot of work, but it can be done. Brother Williams is a blended family with his wife and they have been married for many years and are still happy. You get what you put in, and you have to put in the work. It can be harder than normal marriage, but everything takes work because whether you are a blended family, or a family starting out, you will come across differences and it's how you handle them that will determine your happiness.
